Goals

A little while back I told you not to set your goals for the New Year - so were you able to hold off?

Why?

You want the truth? Goals NEVER helped me, in fact they made things worse. I always felt MORE pressure, it just seemed like another to do list. Can you relate?

There was actually a much deeper issue. On the surface everything seemed to be 'perfect.' But underneath I was completely overwhelmed and my life was way out of balance! I was so lonely inside that I remember locking myself in my life size closet with a glass of wine and crying softly.

I felt so guilty for not being happy, but there was something missing. I wasn't living MY life. I was an impostor.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because there are so many women out there that are suffering. I know what it's like. I was trying so hard to be perfect. My days were spent with an overwhelming to do list! I needed to slow down, get off autopilot and start taking care of myself, but I had NO idea how.

* My relationship with my husband was suffering.
* When we had sex, it was bland.
* I felt insecure and my body image was in the tubes.
* Money was coming in, but I had NO idea where it was going.
* I felt totally out of control in my picture perfect suburban life.

I remember how bad it hurt... There was a space inside me that wanted more, that knew I was capable of being happy and of living a life of my dreams...of my design. I needed to unlock, unleash and discover the REAL ME.

But how?

I stopped with the goals and started asking new questions.

* What made me feel excited, sexy, and inspired?
* What made my heart race and flutter with anticipation?
* What was my vision for my life?

This was the first secret I discovered to living the life designed for me.

It's your life. Not anyone elses. So don't plan a resolution list or a life for that matter that is for someone else.

Ask new questions.

In the next couple of weeks, I want to share it all with you, no holding back! But first I want you to tell me, Why do you think women are suffering in silence, trying so hard to be perfect? It breaks my heart, there are so many women out there who are feeling this!

Why do women try so HARD to be perfect, what are your thoughts?

With love and beauty always... Tara Marino
P.S I welcome your comments!
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Comments

Heather Drake commented on 12-Jan-2010 12:50 PM

Once again you are right on. I look forward to what is next. Many Blessings, Heather

Anne-Claire Holland-Jakobi commented on 12-Jan-2010 12:54 PM

On "my" surface, everything is far from perfect, but who needs perfection? I gave up making New Year Resolutions, years ago, because they always turned out to be a self-unfulfilling prophecy and only served to make me feel worse about myself. YES! To your three questions. As to why women are suffering in silence, trying to be perfect? ... Because the age-old Rules still apply, even though men and women have been thrown into confusion by the admirable efforts of women - from the suffragettes to present-day women to bring about necessary changes in the roles of both genders in today's society. I would like to say a lot more, but am having a hard time expressing myself in this minimal space. For now, all I can say is, women should stop competing, and learn how to truly support each other. The rest will fall into place. :) <3< div>

Joanne commented on 12-Jan-2010 01:09 PM

Your right. I try so hard to be perfect yet it feels like an impossible task. How do you do it all?

shannon m. iris commented on 12-Jan-2010 01:12 PM

Hi Tara, I believe that it is because as women we are held to the standard of "Beauty". We are expected to be beautiful. Beauty in this culture is presented as a very static ideal of perfection. Therefore Women=Beauty=perfection

Debora commented on 12-Jan-2010 02:10 PM

I'm looking forward to your posts, Tara! Thank you!! I think women want to feel loved and cherished and when we try to be perfect we think we can earn someone's love and be more worthy of someone's love. Maybe by trying to be perfect we want to demonstrate that we 'are' perfect (we don't want to accept that we're not).

Lori commented on 12-Jan-2010 04:44 PM

I can so relate to this. I was divorced last year and realized that for 27 years I have been a wife and a mom. Suddenly I was divorced and my children are grown and gone, so who am I? Then someone asked me "what makes you happy?" "What brings you joy?" I had no freaking idea, because as women, we tend to put everyone else before ourselves, and be perfect lest anyone see us as less than that. The last six months have been quite a journey for me to find the answers to those questions, and I'm still on that journey.

Tara Marino commented on 12-Jan-2010 10:52 PM

Joanne, yes the quest for perfection can be a lonely one...BUT there is a way. There is a secret. I have been asked this so many times and I see so many women suffering...it is time-keep your eyes open as I will be sharing so much more in the next week. Stay strong my dear...

Bridget Schoeffel commented on 12-Jan-2010 10:55 PM

Tara- it was like reading the thought that ONCE raced thru my mind. U say ONCE because thanks to YOU I feel that I AM ALIVE again... The REAL ME... not the me I tried to make so perfect and neglected the already 'perfect' me ;) excited for our call tomorrow

Tara Marino commented on 12-Jan-2010 10:57 PM

Yes Lori, start with those questions...but you are also correct that most women have NO idea what makes them happy or brings them joy. They have spent so much time taking care of everyone else that they are lost. Many women hide behind perfection and don't allow their real truth to shine forward, what happens is that after a period of time it is hard to distinguish between what is truth and what is not. Women find themselves lost, overwhelmed, incomplete and WAY out of balance. Continue your journey my dear, you are doing wonderful!

Wendy commented on 13-Jan-2010 07:10 AM

OMG, you are right on! Many of us suffer silently trying to convince ourselves this is the way we need to be and don't want to fail in the eyes of friends/family. Asking for help and moving to the inner happiness is very challenging but should not be. Out of balance and spinning out of control is what happens. Thanks for helping and addressing these key issues with women!

Tara commented on 21-Jan-2010 11:26 PM

Wendy, Thanks for your honesty! Stepping towards balance and away from perceived perfection can be a daunting task. But you know what is more daunting? Living a life designed for someone else. We are all in this together. It's time to make a change!

Maribel commented on 25-Jan-2010 03:33 PM

Tara, I like how open you are about your feelings and I agree with you. I've always been a high achiever and with that means I really get down on myself when I don't make progress on the dreaded To-Do list. I can relate with the feelings of needing to be perfect in all the roles of a business owner, spouse, mom and friend. Thanks for addressing this topic.