An Unconventional Path Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – The Woman

 

She walked over to the empty cradle.  She could barely breathe. The estate walls were thick and during winter the rooms stayed so cold.  She tried to warm her hands, but it didn’t matter.

The room could have been fully heated and she would still have felt frozen.

She was on the edge of turning bitter and she knew it.

The cradle was made of fruit wood from the region.  Her father had it hand carved by one of the local craftsman and it was of exquisite quality.  It was gorgeous. She ran her hand along the smooth dark wood and began to rock the sides.

A beautiful cream blanket tucked inside with a small 8 inch wooden doll.  Although it appeared to be a Queen Doll from London, it was actually made from the wood around the grounds of their home as a symbol of beauty and joy.

She picked up the doll and held it close to her chest, she could still smell her infant daughters skin.  Her daughter had only been 6 months old when she passed away.

This was not supposed to happen in a family such as theirs.

Peasant women are accustomed to losing their babies, she thought to herself as she slammed the wooden doll into pieces on the floor.

Her husband came running up the stairs from the salon.  He had heard the loud noise and wanted to make sure his wife was alright.

They had never been the same since they lost her.  He wanted his wife back, but he had no idea of what to do to help her.

He was at the door with his hand wrapped around the knob, when he heard her talking to herself.

Why God, why me?  

What did I do wrong?  

Was I not a good enough Mother?  

Did you not trust me with a baby girl?  

Why do I deserve this pain?  How will I survive?

Please take me, I want to die.  There is nothing left for me here!

He lifted his hand off the knob.  He wanted desperately to support his wife, but he did not know what to do. Hearing her speak those words brought him to his knees. He knew he was losing her.

What could he possibly say?

He considered opening the door, wrapping her in his arms, telling her it was going to be ok.  But he stood there in the doorway frozen. How could he possibly comfort her? His hand fell to his side and he slowly walked away, down the hall and back to his study.

As she lay there on the floor she peered to the side, and saw a sharp piece of wood.  A sliver from the wooden doll. It was sharp and thick. She felt an impulse she had not felt in years.

She could just end it right here, right now.  Her mind wandered at the possibility.

At the relief.

As she lay there on the cold stone floor her heart ached, she just wanted it to stop…

for all of it to stop.

She could not bare another moment of the pain.

Her hand reached out for the sliver of sharp corse wood.  Her heart began to race.

She closed her eyes and in desperation she said

God please help me, guide me, show me what is mine

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