Change this word and your perspective will change

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Edgy yet chic, Timeless and powerful. Can drop an f bomb and mediates daily. Committed to growth and evolution.

Bonjour...I'm Tara

I hope you’re having a great weekend.

It’s sunny and decently warm here in the Outerbanks. I’m ready for spring!

What happens in spring in your house?

Do you have to do some spring cleaning? Maybe you have to take care of some yard work?

How does that feel? Stressful? Exciting?

Today I want to share something Tara, and I have been practicing for years.

Practicing… meaning we could be better at it.

I’m guessing it’s something we will have to focus a little on for the rest of our lives.

But we’ve already come a long way in shifting our perspective and feeling better about things that used to stress us out.

Most of us live in a world of “Have to’s”.

I have to drop the kids off. I have to make dinner. I have to prune the rose bushes. I have to call my mom.

I have to _____________.

Having to… is draining. There isn’t a lot of power in “have to.”

The more you say it… or think it, the more resentment you’ll feel towards the people you’re “having to” do things for.

And you’ll have more resentment for the task itself.

You might find yourself procrastinating on doing a task because of how you frame it in your mind.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like “having to” do anything.

The reality is it’s all a choice. You don’t have to do anything.

So instead of “Having to”… Try out “Getting to” for the next few days.

You GET to drop the kids off. You GET to make dinner. You GET to prune the rose bushes. You GET to call your mom.

Feels a little better right?

This change of words will shift how you feel about doing things for your partner, or kids, or neighbor or yourself.

It gives you power in the situation. If you’re powerful, then you’re in control.

And that will make you feel much better.

Your attitude towards yourself and others will be more positive and enjoyable.

As I said earlier, this is something Tara, and I work on ourselves.

However, in reality, I often catch myself thinking I have to.

When I notice it, I reframe it right away.

Since Tara and I are both aware that “have to” energy is something we both want to avoid, if either of us hears the other beating the “have to” drum consistently, we’ll gently say “get to” as a little reminder.

** Extra nugget. If your partner’s already pissed about something, skip the “get to” comment. Pick your timing:)

I hope you have a fantastic rest of your Sunday.

Thanks again for being here. I see you.

Be good.

Dave “gets to write an email a day” Marino

ALSO: Whenever you’re ready… here are more ways Elegant Femme can support you.

  1. Tara’s next live program – Moi A Love Story
    A brand new program starting on April 4th. If you struggle prioritizing you, then Moi can help you shift out of that pattern. You can learn about it here
  2. The Beautiful Soul Led Podcast
    Listen in as Tara shares her insights with you weekly. Available on all podcast platforms. New episodes will commence in April. You can catch up on episodes here
  3. Women Living Fully Facebook group
    Elegant Femme’s free group filled with like minded women who are committed to their growth and evolution. Plenty of free programs and resources in the “guides section. You can join here
  4. Tara Paris
    Beautifully crafted clothing made in Italy and designed by Tara. You can check out the collection here

Dave Marino


Dave Marino fell in love with a girl when he was 24. After a shotgun wedding, he grew and evolved... He was stretched along the way by the original Elegant Femme, Tara Marino. Through a stroke of unforeseeable circumstances, he began writing newsletters and now a blog for Elegant Femme which covers his thoughts, struggles, & life lessons learned. Follow him on Instagram @thedavemarino. One day he may decide to post on there. 

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