She’s scared to take care of herself

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Edgy yet chic, Timeless and powerful. Can drop an f bomb and mediates daily. Committed to growth and evolution.

Bonjour...I'm Tara

I’m back with part 2 of the message we started yesterday.

If you missed it, you can search for the word “peanut butter” in your email, and it should be up top.

Unless someone else emailed you yesterday with “peanut butter” in the subject? Unlikely.

Alright, so let’s get into it.

If you recall, we are addressing a question that came into the EF email, and the overall theme is this sweet woman is not prioritizing herself over her family.

Here’s my take and some suggestions that may support you if you’ve ever had these thoughts.

3. It’s on you to prioritize you.

The only person who will truly take care of you is you.

Sometimes this scares me. I don’t like feeling like I’m alone.

Like it’s all on me.

I’d much rather it be on us. It feels much more comfortable that way doesn’t it?

But when it boils down to it… I’m not even sure anyone else is here. Maybe this is all my own simulation and I’m in the Matrix like Elon says:).

I’m kidding. Sort of.

The reality is it’s YOUR life. Not his. Not your mom’s. Or your kids. It’s YOURS.

And that’s scary AF sometimes. It’s on us to look out for ourselves.

If I want to be healthy and live long, I have to take care of my body. Tara can’t go to the gym for me.

She can’t not eat ice cream for me. God I want a bowl of ice cream right now and it’s 11:15am. But that doesn’t serve me and where I want to go.

So as much as “it’s all on you” is scary, it’s also empowering.

There is someone out there who is thinking about you and your priorities all day long. It’s you!

So listen to your gut and prioritize you.

4 Be really honest

Yesterday we spoke about having open communication with your partner. Today I want to expand on that point.

Open communication for Tara and I means sharing feelings. Sharing fears. Sharing inner voices that often aren’t pretty.

Some of it’s very scary to do. It’s vulnerable. But it builds trust between us.

And it helps us know where each other are at.

In yesterday’s question, the woman said “I always fear I’ll upset my husband if I focus on me”.

That’s what you share with him. That line.

“I’m scared I’ll upset you if I focus on me.”

That’s hard for a lot of people to say to their partner. What if he shrugs it off? What if he makes a snarky comment?

That might happen. Especially if he’s not used to hearing you say things like that. He’ll be uncomfortable.

That’s what I do when I’m uncomfortable. I crack jokes or deflect.

The way for me (or anyone) to be more comfortable in situations is to have more experience in those situations.

So put both of you in the situation more and it will start to feel natural.

Ya know what else you could say to him?

“I’m going to try to be more vulnerable with you. I’m scared to do it but I think it will be good for us. I love you, and I want to be even closer with you. So I have a favor to ask. If I start sharing some vulnerable things with you, can you be gentle with me? And also, please don’t use it against me later.”

OMG if Dave from 15 years ago could see me right now, he’d be saying… “What the F happened to me?”

So be honest in your conversations with your partner.

You made it this far again. I appreciate you. Thanks for coming for the ride.

I’ll be back tomorrow and share how when you reframe one word in your vocabulary you’re entire perspective will change.

Be good.

Dave “What happened to me?” Marino

ALSO: Whenever you’re ready… here are more ways Elegant Femme can support you.

  1. Tara’s next live program – Moi A Love Story
    A brand new program starting on April 4th. If you struggle prioritizing you, then Moi can help you shift out of that pattern. You can learn about it here
  2. The Beautiful Soul Led Podcast
    Listen in as Tara shares her insights with you weekly. Available on all podcast platforms. New episodes will commence in April. You can catch up on episodes here
  3. Women Living Fully Facebook group
    Elegant Femme’s free group filled with like minded women who are committed to their growth and evolution. Plenty of free programs and resources in the “guides section. You can join here
  4. Tara Paris
    Beautifully crafted clothing made in Italy and designed by Tara. You can check out the collection here

Dave Marino


Dave Marino fell in love with a girl when he was 24. After a shotgun wedding, he grew and evolved... He was stretched along the way by the original Elegant Femme, Tara Marino. Through a stroke of unforeseeable circumstances, he began writing newsletters and now a blog for Elegant Femme which covers his thoughts, struggles, & life lessons learned. Follow him on Instagram @thedavemarino. One day he may decide to post on there. 

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